Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Wasting Time?

Am I wasting my time by obsessing/thinking/worrying/caring about my weight?

There comes a point where you kinda start thinking more about your health vs. your weight.

BUT then comes in the self-image thing. Yes, it is a vanity thing, but I am one of those that would honestly sacrifice some health if I could "just be skinny".

What?! Are you shocked that I said that?! Let's take a poll... oh wait, there have already been many of those done. You would be surprised at how many women feel that way.

Anyways, back to my original question... Am I wasting away my life with this mess?

Let me tell you a story:

I have a friend who is not particularly happy with her house. The main room in question seems to be the kitchen. She wants to re-do it. Maybe some new paint on the walls, some new decor, etc. Nothing major, because, like most of us, money is not just falling from trees. Why does she not do something about her kitchen? Well, it will take a bit of time. You gotta decide what look you are going for. Who knows how long they will live there in that house? What if they turned around and moved in a couple of years. She would have just wasted her time/money fixing up that old kitchen...etc.

My reply to that scenario: (Yes, I really have told her the following...)

Do it! Decide what you like/want and DO IT! Take a weekend and slap some paint on those walls, add new knobs to your cabinets, hang some new artwork, etc. DO IT. Who cares if you only live there another month. That is a WHOLE month that you could have been enjoying your newly redecorated kitchen. If you don't do something about it, then that is TIME you are WASTING and not enjoying your kitchen to it's fullest potential. If it is something that is financially in your control and you CAN do it, then make haste! Change what you can, then accept the things you cannot change. Try to find the positive in them and move on! Stop wasting time!

Folks, I used to hate my small closet. It was plain, traditional and lacked space. Today it's walls are geranium pink, with a funky piece of artwork and a cool IKEA mirror... it has custom built rods on one side to hold my clothes and jewelry collection, and has crazy-cool organizational shelving units all the way to the ceiling on the other side. It is still small, but it is a "dream closet" to me! I am the only one who sees it most of the time, but instead of hating it each day... I did what I could to improve it and now I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!!

My point(s)... and Lord help us, there are TWO freaking sides to it. (another thing that drives me crazy.... since I can usually see the good in both sides of the story, which leaves me riding the fence ALL THE TIME)

1) I am fat. I hate being fat. I want to be smaller. I spend precious time everyday thinking about it. That precious time is usually miserable time... time spent hating myself, chiding myself, thinking about all the things I could *do* if only I were *smaller*. I walk through the mall and I only think about the stores that I can NOT shop in because of my size. I skip out on some events or gatherings because I am so self-conscious.

I dont think about the fact "for a fat person" I am pretty dang healthy! My cholesterol is great. My blood pressure is good, etc...save for some blood sugar issues and the PCOS thing I am in good shape.

I do not think about how awesome of a  person I am, and that I am a fantastic wife and mother, or that I am creative and a wealth of knowledge on eating right. (ha, more on that later!) I spend all my time hating myself, not appreciating myself.

Should I just stop trying and be content with being fat so that I can enjoy other things in my life? Do I accept how I am and move on?

2) On the other hand, there *are* things that I can change... life reduce the sugar, etc. Let the focus be ache-free knees and higher energy levels, not weight loss. If weight loss happens, fine, but change the focus. Maybe I need ache-free knees so that I can play with my little B. Maybe I need more energy so that I can complete some craft projects... see? Like I told my friend about her kitchen. Change what you can. DO IT. DO something.

I do not want to wake up one day and be 40 years old and wish that I had just taken my fat butt on to the pool during the summertimes instead of worring about what I looked like in a bathing suit. BUT on the other hand, I do not want to wake up and be 40 years old and wish that I had done more to lose weight.

Where is the healthy balance? How do you stop the insane dual-edged sword? Why do there have to be two sides to everything?!


  1. Wow, a deep post. I think...that you should do both: work on the part of yourself that is hesitant/ fearful, AND lose some weight. But maybe without a time goal in mind. Give yourself as long as you need to lose. Eat right now the way you'll want to eat forever (and if this isn't the plan that you feel you can do forever, switch).

  2. i love the kitchen and closet part- there are so many things I do not like but I do nothing to change..if I just zazzed life up a bit (which is risky sometimes) it would make a big difference!