Courtesy of Zevia...

I got this in an email from Zevia. I wanted to share because this is a poignant reminder of what sugar can do to us. Hope they don't mind that I share...

Sugar.

I plan on doing a post on this, but wow.

Take the time to read this post by National Geographic author, Rich Cohen. It is fascinating.

And a little scary.

St. John's Wort

I really do not know where to start with this post, but I definitely want to put it out there. Perhaps the Christinipedia version will work. :) I will keep it short.

What is St. John's Wort?
Definition: a flowering perennial plant species of the genus Hypericum and a medicinal herb that is sold over-the-counter as a treatment for depression.

Aliases: Hypericum perforatum, Tipton's weed, goatweed, chase-devil (my personal favorite), or Klamath weed

Known species: 370 of the genus Hypericum

Typical Dosage: 300mg 3 times a day

What does it look like?

St. John's Wort shrub

Quite beautiful flowers

Bottle of SJW

Capsule form

Side Effects?
I have read that side effects can include light/sun-sensitivity, dry mouth, stomach irritations and dizziness. I have experienced none of these myself. There was one particular brand I tried in the past that I swear gave me horrible headaches...

Keep in mind, you can always google this stuff for yourself. (I wonder if anyone has ever googled themselves to death...)

Here are my personal thoughts...
This stuff works. It's amazing. If I miss a day or two of taking it, I can tell a very noticeable difference in my attitude, feelings, and general state-of-mind. So can my family and friends. (Sorry y'all!) It keeps my depression at bay. For real. For. Real.

I only take one 300mg capsule a day, around lunchtime. It's enough for me. I always believe you should just take enough of this stuff to be effective. My doctor knows I take it and is fine with it. She agrees that it is a known anti-depression supplement and believes in the use of SJW. She always reminds me that there are prescription drugs out there that "will do the same thing" though. Ugh!

I encourage anyone out there to explore the possibilities of SJW for mild depression. Always consult with your doctor of course, cause y'all know I'm just blogging about myself and what works for me. :)

Another easy quick fix that I have found is Badger Balm's Cheerful Mind Balm. It "uplifts the mind". I found mine at Earthfare and I keep it in my purse. This stuff is great and Brandy loves to take a whiff too! Portable, happy aromatherapy at its best! Sweet orange, lemon, spearmint and ylang ylang coming right at cha!

Also comes in stick form. *Sniff*

Smile!

Tomatoes and blogging for lunch

Guess what's for luuunch...

You know it! Mater sandwich!!!

I will not mislead you. I have not been eating this fresh and this healthy 100% of the time. You can look at me and tell that. However, let's all rejoice at the beautiful lunch I packed today...

✿ Kinley tomato
✿ Light Honey Wheat Bread
✿ Sugar Snap Peas
✿ Grapes
✿ Miracle Whip Light*

Seriously, let's have a moment of silence for this glorious sandwich.
...
That tomato was juicy and everything that a cardboard-grocery-store-tomato wishes it could be. My father-in-love shares his garden bounty with us and I love it!

Yeah, I'm getting to that mayo situation in a minute. I just thought that the sandwich needed a moment all to itself.

(It's gone now, btw. In. My. Tummy.)

OK, so back to the business at hand. I know it is a cardinal sin to use anything other than Duke's on a tomato sandwich, but let's face it, at 100 calories per tablespoon, I just can't. Lately, I really cannot justify Duke's Light at 50 calories per tablespoon either. Why? Because I like a LOT of  "mayo" on my mater sandwich dang it!

Enter: Miracle Whip Light

Ugg.

I know.

I am managing though. It's not so bad. For a first-timer, I was pleasantly surprised. Plus, I can have 2 big ol' tablespoons for 20 calories each. That definitely makes MyFitnessPal happy... In order to maybe, possibly, eventually meet our goals, we have to make adjustments. Sacrifices if you will. This is a small one. The sandwich was great. It was a juicy, local, family-grown tomato for Pete's sake. The tomato makes the sandwich. The mayo Miracle Whip is really just an assistant stagehand background singer (fill in something here). I don't know what to call it because all the other words are very important positions! Anyways, let me not turn this into another tangent, you get my point. That Kinley tomato was the star!

And none was left behind. Here I am eating the "butt" of the tomato. :)

Medicine and Supplements

Occasionally I get asked what medicines/supplements I take for my PCOS, so I thought this would make a good post. Interesting, maybe not for non-PCOSers, but informative none-the-less.

Before I start rattling off a list of drugs, I would like to point out that I have now had about 18 regular menstrual cycles in a row. Yep, you read that right, 18 months of periods! I guess regular is not a good word...they are not like exactly 28 days apart or anything, but wow. Never. Never in my life have I been this regular steady. I've talked about my absence of periods here, and with my history of few to none, I am most definitely happy to be having them now. I contribute my regularness (new word! yeah!) to my combination of meds and supplements.

Now, we all know I am certainly not Dr. Christina by any means. I only know what works for me and my body. I'm not handing out medical advice here ya'll...

Prescription Medicines:

• Metformin (1000 mg twice a day)
• Aldomet (1000 mg twice a day)

Supplements/Vitamins:

• Vitamin B Complex (1 caplet in the AM)  (find it here)
• Vitamin C with Wild Rose Hips  (500 mg in the AM)  (find it here)
• Vitamin D3 (1000 IU in the AM)  (find it here)
• St. John's Wort (300 mg at Noon)  (find it here)
• Potassium Gluconate (550 mg every other PM)  (find it here)

(Here is a whole separate post about St. John's Wort and how it absolutely manages my depression.)

Questions you may be dying to ask:
Do I use one of those little pill boxes? Yep!
Do I feel like a little old lady? Yep!
Does my husband occasionally poke fun at me for it? Yep!
Do I sit down every Sunday morning and divvy out my pills? Yep!
Does he call me a pharmacist? Yep!
Do I look like a pharmacist counting out my little pills and putting them in to the right sections? Yep!
What does your pill box look like? Keep reading...

My pill box looks like this one. I got it at the Dollar Tree for, you guessed it, $1. The text has almost rubbed completely off of mine, but I use a sharpie and re-do it on occasion.

I also learned the hard way that if you bend the little lids back too far, they will snap right off, leaving you with no other choice but to go spend another dollar!

So why these specific vitamins?

Keep reading, I addressed each one below. I kept it simple. I have done my research (online, discussions with my doctors, personal preference, trying different supplement combinations) and so can you. My "reasons" below are my personal reasons and definitely not the only things these vitamins can do for our bodies. I just listed the ones that really stick out for me. If you want more information, I encourage you to do your research. There is plenty out there, so I am not going post it all here. This post could go on for days! Just make sure your sources are reliable.

Vitamin B Complex (1 caplet in the AM)
Energy, supplement possible deficiency

Vitamin C with Wild Rose Hips  (500 mg in the AM)
Immune support, fight free-radicals, much more

Vitamin D3 (1000 IU in the AM)
Depression, seasonal disorder, immune, strong bones & teeth

St. John's Wort (300 mg at Noon)
Depression.

Potassium Gluconate (550 mg every other PM)
Heart, nervous system


What brand of vitamins do I use? Puritan's Pride. They are SO affordable and work well for me. (exception: Potassium Gluconate is from Walgreen's...) I actually linked you right to the ones I use in the first med list above. You're welcome!

Their bottles are beautiful translucent colors too, with flip-top caps. It never hurts to have a little color :) I also buy coconut oil, Scott's vitamins, and other things from them. They do B1G2 and B2G3 sales a lot. Totally awesome!

Commitment

I saw this somewhere on myfitnesspal.com and thought it was pure genius. I have it on sticky notes everywhere now. This resonates with me.



     Forget Motivation.

     Motivation is "wanting to do something."

     That's fleeting.

     Choose to be Committed instead.

     Commitment means doing it whether you *want* to or not.



Apparently, for me, these are words to live by.

#beautiful

Not.

I like the beat of #beautiful by Mariah Carey/Miguel. It's a good 2.8 mph beat on the treadmill.

However, tonight, I, once again had to remind myself that crying and the treadmill is not a good combination. Add in trying to explain to your hubby and 3+year-old why you are crying. :(

            I just feel so frumpy.

                   And I hate it.

I cannot explain it that well. I just do not feel pretty. It sounds so whiny. So "poor-me". So I hate that too.

I have been getting my hair done. Regularly. Yep, me! I found a girl I really like that does it and does a great job. So I keep going back. It makes me feel good. I have been buying clothes that I like. I wear my fun, funky jewelry and my awesome Toms, etc. On most days, I even text my pic to my BFF. Heck, I am even eating right. Something has to give and unfortunately, I know that it is my MIND that needs the adjustment.

My mind. The hardest dang part of me.

I have decided that I am never going to be thin. I might be healthier, and that is freaking *fantastic!* but... knowing that this frumpy body will be the only body I ever have, that is pretty devastating at times. The fact that I am starting to accept that piece of it, well, double the devastation.


Mind. Body. Mind. Body. Mind. Body.

Neither is a quick or easy fix. I just have to keep at both of them.


#beautifulinsidebutwantittoshowontheoutsidetoo

Bloodwork.

I lowered my cholesterol by 20 points these past 3 months!

I lowered my glucose A1C level from 6.0 to a 5.7!

No meds.

That is all.

:)

Over and Over and Over

Yep.

I wanna be just like you.

My sweet child said two unexpected things this weekend. Two unexpected things that have left me feeling a little...numb? I do not even have a word for it yet.

First up...

We went on a "family lunch date" on Saturday. As we were happily sitting in Sir Pizza, B decided she wanted the lemon that was in my water. I fished it out of the cup and gave it another quick squeeze and handed it over. She proceeded to look at the lemon wedge, look at me, then said "Mommy, you squeezed the hell out of it."

Yep. She sure did.

Scott and I decided to ignore it. So, of course, she repeated the statement, this time louder. I am sure the two elderly ladies next to us have deemed us unfit parents. Ugh.

Lesson learned: Watch our mouths.

Second...

Scott, B and I are all on the couch watching the eleventy-thousandth episode of Spongebob Squarepants. Scott and B are snacking on chips. (For what it is worth, I will say that I was not eating anything at the time...) B is really big on the "I am going to eat my food so I can grow up to be big and strong..." deal right now. I am sure they hear it at daycare etc. as an encouragement to eat their lunches/snacks. So I did not think anything of her saying that to me. THEN she said "I am gonna get real big and strong and fat." I was not really thinking negatively as I said, "Nah, sweety,  you don't want to be fat, just big and strong." The next thing out of her mouth was, "But you are."

I just kinda kept it light and said something like "Well, yes, I am, but you do not want to be." She said "but I want to be just like you."

I dropped the subject after mentioning something about getting big and strong and exercising and being slim. I sucked it up. I did not let her see me cry.

Lesson learned: I am setting an example for my child. She wants to be like me. So am I being the best me that I can be? No. I am not.

If I could just quit food...at this point...I would.

comfort foods

I have never thought of myself as believing in or having comfort foods. Until now.

I spent the better part of Saturday evening in a tree stand and all I got from it was a nasty cold. I am snotty, achy, ill... you name it. I was driving to work this morning (yes, I am typing this before 8:00 AM and will finish on my lunch break - thank you!) and all I can think about is grabbing a McD's bacon-egg-and-cheese biscuit with hashbrown and a real coke for breakfast. It sounds so yummy, I can almost taste it.

Then I realized that food will not make me feel better so I might as well skip it. What? Did I just think that?

I guess I do have my comfort foods. I must say, too, that a McD's bacon-egg-and-cheese biscuit combo is at the top of the list! It has hit me like a ton of bricks this morning. (sorry for the cliche!) I have comfort foods and did not even know it.

I cannot tell you how many mornings I have gotten up and felt tired or sick and have headed strait to McD's on those days. Days that I know are going to be busy or stressful...I'm in the drivethru that morning. Mornings that I am feeling bad about myself or sorry for myself...yep, you guessed it...another bacon-egg-and-cheese biscuit.

O.M.G. I have been throwing bacon-egg-and-cheese biscuits at my feelings, my illnesses, my busy days...the list goes on. Sometimes it is a Bojangles-cajun-filet-biscuit-with-seasoned-fries-morning... but let's just say that the ladies at the McDonalds window know me.

I came to work (even though my "poor-me-I'm-sick-mentality" tried to steer me towards McD's) and made myself a pack of instant grits. (Don't hate! I love instant grits, they work for me and they are 100 calories!)

Why did something like that strike me this morning? Why did I literally say out loud to myself (over and over) "food will not make your cold better, so go straight to work"? Why this time?

I do not know. I am glad, though. A little Very baffled by it, but very glad.

Did I just finally start making it to chapter 4 from this post?! If so, this is BIG.

Cognitive Polyphasia...

...is defined as "the ability to hold conflicting ideas about the same thing at the same time."

Went for my quarterly visit with my awesome doctor today and had a really great conversation about the mental part of me. It was also duly noted that I am up, oh, 7 pounds since my last visit, three months ago. Ugh. I was honest. I told her that it is the way I am eating. I binge. I go waaaay over my recommended caloric range everyday. I have good intentions for a day or two, but then, all heck breaks loose. I told her I feel so out of control. I know what to do and how to eat. I know what happens when I do not. Weight Gain. Depression. Joint Pain. Mood Swings. Feeling crappy in general. Yet, I cannot seem to limit my intake of food.

She said it was not my fault.

I argued that, yes, it is.

She conceded that yes, it is, and no, it is not.

She said I have options. (hmph. doubt it.) I could consider appetite suppressants like Adipex or Qsymia. (both known to speed up your heart etc. omg.) I could consider gastric bypass. (we all know that with my psychological state, I'd gain the weight back.) I could just stop eating before I am full. I could eat a NORMAL serving of food, then stop. Just stop. Even if that nagging hungry-in-my-mind feeling is still there. Just stop. Drink some water and stop eating. Wow. What a concept. Next. (haha?) She said that for folks like me it is not easy. Even when staying "on plan", we have yet to truly reprogram our bodies to eat less and reprogram our minds to be ok with that. We think that is where I am failing.

Anyways...

She always gives me a visit summary sheet that tells about my appointment. It tells me my current vitals, my meds, etc. It is basically a snapshot of my doctor visit that day. She gave me the very detailed "notes" pages that I usually do not get. She rocks. She has nothing to hide and I try to treat her the same. On the notes page, I noticed she had put that I was positive for cognitive polyphasia.

So I googled it.

She has me pegged. Nice job doc. I am glad I finally have a name for the madness.

Now, if only I could fix it.

1650 Calories

If I want to lose approximately 2 pounds a week, I need to stick to about 1650 calories a day.

That's what MFP tells me.

That may sound like a lot of calories, especially if you are a smaller person, or are dieting yourself and do not consume as many. For someone my size, it's reasonable. In fact, compared to my "bad days" it seems very low to me. Compared to my binge days, it seems down-right cruel.

I am managing, though. For this week, anyway. The first week is always the hardest AND the easiest for me. :) Unfortunately, I am always at the beginning. :(

Proof in the pudding...
In fact, 4 days into sticking to 1650 calories has brought on pure confirmation that this is good for me. I started my period. (if you are new to my blog, read here...) Quick explanation of why this happens: Particularlly in insulin-resistant, very obese females, Estrogen is stored in fat cells. When you begin losing weight and shedding excess glucose, the fat cells you are "shedding" begin releasing the estrogen into your system. This works with my whacked out hormones to create an ideal period-causing-cycle!

Sooo... here's to 1650 calories.

Current Eats

Zucchini noodles with my sundried tomato Alfredo sauce.

Raspberry martini from Bonefish Grill.

Fresh cherries.

A happy little orange.

Herb salad, blue cheese, raspberry vinaigrette, and thin crust pizza.

Doctor Update

My check-up with Dr. C went well today :)

She tends to only give me a three month supply of my meds at a time, which kinda forces me to have to go see her and check in every three months. Well played, dear doc!

My reason for going was simply to get refills on my Aldomet (a very weak blood pressure medicine) and Metformin (helps with my insulin resistance), and to have my cholesterol checked. (which tends to run on the high-end of normal)

Blood Pressure = 108/72

Weight = down 10 pounds since April and down a total of 21.6 pounds from a year ago.

Definitely progress made! I am a happy girl!

...and yes, I have to go back in October.

Stronger

Right now I am amazed at the strength my body shows when I treat it right. It is like my body is telling me that though I have abused it for sooooo many years, it is slowly beginning to forgive me and would love to be my (cooperative) partner. It only has one condition: that I keep being good to it.

Stop backsliding. Do not feed it junk and expect it to run well.

You do not put maple syrup, or kool-aid, or shampoo in the gas tank of your car do you? Nope. Be it gasoline, diesel, whatever... you put in what you are supposed to. Otherwise, your car will not run. You will be stranded. Let down. You could even be left in a dangerous situation because of it. It's nearly the same thing.

The haze I have been in the past week...that's my partner (my body) telling me that I am doing something wrong. My partner is *screaming* at me that it feels horrible and sick and that if I would only listen and pay attention, we could work together to be successful. I have to stop ignoring it. I have to stop backsliding and thinking that one "cheat" meal here and there is okay. I know it is not, I know that it causes that cycle, that chain reaction that throws me off course for weeks at a time. I EASILY regain weight that I worked DESPERATELY to lose.

If I will listen, I will get stronger.

Though I am pretty sure I will never be skinny or taut...I *can* be happy, strong and healthy.

Jogging those two minutes at a time...it hurts. It makes me winded. It burns. BUT, what it also does is tell me is that I am a little bit stronger than when I could only do one minute, and before that, only walk. It tells me that I can keep building on it and get even stronger. Believe me, I look forward to the day I am telling folks that I jogged for three minutes straight during my treadmill workout.

I need encouragement right now. Funny thing is, my body is screaming the encouragement at me, even when no one else is. I only have to listen.

Unsolicited Advice from Me to You

I was pretty proud (probably overly so...) of some "advice" I gave to someone recently. (a someone-who-should-never-have-these-thoughts-going-through-their-head-because-they-are-beautiful-and,-like-the-rest-of-us,-tend-to-judge-themselves-too-harshly)

Let me say, though, I was not asked for advice, it just came out of me, like everything else :)

At the gym, the Y, Curves, etc...Folks are not judging you like people seem to think.

(I’ve been in gyms, at over 325 pounds in the past.)

At least you are there. You are all there for similar reasons. Always remember that. At least you are there. Can't judge someone who is working their butts off on a machine, now can ya? What are you thinking about when you are on a machine and looking around? Maybe “gosh, she’s so skinny, ugh, jealous!” etc…but you are not picking out some random fat girl and thinking “Ugh look at that fat chick. What’s she think she’s doing?“ etc. You are (or SHOULD!!) be thinking “wow, check her out… good for her!!!!”

Someone told me once that it was pretty egotistical to think that everyone is looking

at you or judging you or talking about you. Because they more-than-likely are NOT.

(I know that sounds harsh, but that’s how it was told to me and I have felt differently since.)

Not that there are not SOME buttholes who do stare/talk/etc. but THOSE people are not even worth the air they breathe, let alone your concern.

Just food for thought. I’m well versed…I’m fat, remember?

Walking

I just purchased this.

Yep, really.

No, this is not brought on by my most recent commitment to being healthier. I have always wanted one. This was a great deal, I could not pass it up. I used the "5 easy pay", which is the only way I could afford it...but I am feeling good about it.

Delievery will take quite a while (almost 3 weeks), so meanwhile I am preparing myself for the chunk of space it is going to take in my living room.

Worth the sacrifice? Yep, really.

Checking In!

Here's an easy reading post...

I still feel great!

I am NOT struggling to eat right!

I have found a few new products that are fab!

TMI: remember what always happens to me when I eat right... the thing that PCOS makes me NOT do... well, yep...it's happening! Most women complain... I CELEBRATE!

Energy!!

No joint pain!

More positive mood and outlook!

I pray that this continute and that I do not LET myself go back to old ways. Self: keep this up. You do NOT want to give up this awesomeness.

Love to all of you!

A Dance in Your Car Type of Day

Wow. I feel so good today.

(Seriously, that is the understatement of the year right there!)

Today was one of those days where it seemed like the radio stations played nothing but GREAT songs. Add that to my good, no, awesome feeling and it became what I like to call "an-oh-my-gosh-that-is-sooo-my-theme-song" type of day! The fun part was, every song that came on had me saying "No! THIS is sooo my song!" Nicki Minaj and Drake were definitely the front-runners :)

Yeah, today rocked! I found myself in the car a lot today, so I did a lot of dancing :) (Okay, and yes, I did a lot of the checking-myself-out-in-the-mirror-while-rocking-my-stunner-shades and ducky-kissy-face-pictures of myself too.)

• I had a long to-do list that I wanted to accomplish since it was my last day of vacay.

To-do List = Nailed it!

• My jeans were a tad looser in the belly today.

Freaking awesome!

• I have finally eliminated a lot of processed crap and other inflammatory items from my diet.

Energy = Check!

Positive Mood = Check!

Puffed uppedness/Bloating = Diminishing! (yeah, I said uppedness.)

Eczema = Improving!

I am still counting my "points", while also avoiding starches like the plague. Anything white or containing wheat (I think I have an allergy) just has no place in my body. Perhaps I am actually (after a looooong period of time that we will not even discuss) finding a good balance between portion control and lowering the sugar/starch that I consume.

I will do a longer post on this topic, but I wanted to say that my best piece of advice right now (since I can preach it, but cannot always seem to practice it, ugh) is to stop beating yourself up and second guessing things. Just do something. Pick something that WORKS FOR YOU and do it. You dont even have to talk about it. Actions speak soooo much louder than words. It has taken me a long time to figure that out.

(Though, I do like to talk about it...)
(Anyone want to do the Dougie with me? LOL)