She tends to only give me a three month supply of my meds at a time, which kinda forces me to have to go see her and check in every three months. Well played, dear doc!
My reason for going was simply to get refills on my Aldomet (a very weak blood pressure medicine) and Metformin (helps with my insulin resistance), and to have my cholesterol checked. (which tends to run on the high-end of normal)
Blood Pressure = 108/72
Weight = down 10 pounds since April and down a total of 21.6 pounds from a year ago.
Some of you asked for it, so here it goes. (Then I swear I will get back to weight-related posts... we need some fun though...)
In no particular order, and again, this is just my list of things I had and that I remember, bit-by-bit:
Popples Litebrite Mr. Sketch scented markers She-ra / He-Man Peekablue (from She-ra) Crystal Swift-Wind (She-ra's horse) My Little Pony Squiggle Wiggle Writers (vibrating pens) Spiral Art Kits California Raisins Fraggle Rock PopBeads Junk Necklaces (plastic chain, plastic charms with bells on them) Slimer Jem Barbie Teddy Ruxpin Babysitters Club Books Disney Wonderful World of Reading books Sesame Street Treasury books Tonka Mirra/Aroura & Spectra fashion dolls (metallic bodies and sparkle eyes) Snorks Shirttales Alf (you can still watch Alf, ShirtTales, Snorks, etc. on the Hub channel... Brandy loves them!) Punky Brewster You Can't Do That on Television! Carebears Pound Puppies / Pound Purries Cabbage Patch Kids PogoBall Smooshies (came in happy meals) Micro Machines Gloworm Sit-n-Spin Treasure Trolls Brush-a-Loves HuggaBunch dolls TubaRuba game Lost-N-Founds (they cried!) Stickers: Lazer Blazers / Smellos / Oilies / Prismatic & Glitter ones Get In Shape Girl workout stuff (I had the ribbon and the bangle bops) Maxie Locker Speak and Spells Sweet Roses Barbie furniture Hardees plush toys = Lady from Lady & the Tramp, Pinocchio, Dumbo
What do you have to add to the list? Gotta love the 80s! (I really do!) Don't get me started on stirrup pants and splatter paint! Something not look familiar? Google it! Or drop me a line, I will find a pic for you.
This post is not really weight-related, but more mind-related. (Since I have been trying to get my head "right" and work on me lately...and I find that a little bit of analysis goes a long way. Plus when you sort things out in your head, sometimes it keeps you from stuffing your feelings in your mouth.)
(Soooo, if you don't want to listen to me ramble, then feel free to skip over this one - I will not be offended!)
I think my sense of smell is one of my strongest senses. What a weird thing to write a post about, but seriously I was thinking about this in the shower the other night.
I was lathering my hair down with some old-school Salon Selectives shampoo and conditioner. Now, these are NOT my favorite hair products, yet I practically jumped for joy when I came across them in Walgreens months ago. (AND, much to my delight, they were in huge pump bottles!) I was not looking for it, nor had I thought about Salon Selectives in yearrrrrs. However, right there in the store, I unscrewed the pump and took a whiff. I knew I had to buy them.
Every time I decide to use this shampoo/conditioner, I am immediately transported back to being oh, I guess about 8 years old.
We had just moved to Asheboro. Pop was still working in Rocky Mount - he worked another year before finally retiring. He would work Monday through Friday at the rock quarry, then drive over to Asheboro and stay with NorNor and I on the weekends. Those weekends are when we worked on the yard, planting grass, flower beds, built the huge back deck, etc. It was a one of those nice, big double-wides and man it looked nice around there. A nice neighborhood, a good looking yard, new friends...Though that place felt awfully big sometimes when Pop was not there. Their bedroom was on the opposite end of the house as mine. Some nights, though, NorNor would sleep in the bedroom next to mine, or I would sleep with her :) We shopped at the Harris Teeter and Winn Dixie (both are gone now) and we always made sure that we picked up the Salon Selectives for us and Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific for Pop. (love that scent too!) Soooo many memories of good and really simpler times come flooding back.
All that from a whiff of shampoo? You betcha.
Other things that trigger strong memories for me are...
Skoal chewing tobacco (Pop's chew of choice. That was waaaay back when you could send a kid in the store to buy it for you...)
WindSong women's cologne (Mom's fav years ago.)
Caress soap and Aussie Hairspray (Takes me back to my dear Aunt Inez's house and all the wonderful weekends we spent with her and her family in SC through the years. She always had Caress under the sink and Aussie products on the shelves at her house in Johnsonville and later when she moved to the beach. It's funny because to this day, Aussie is my first choice for hair care and not an Aussie day goes by that I do not think of Aunt Inez!)
Bath & Body Works Sun-Ripened Raspberry (Still love this, but have not purchased any in a while, but it was what I used religiously through many of my teenage years.)
Items (not scents) that I adore because they trigger major memories/nostalgia are:
Lisa Frank stuff
Winking Cat Head stickers
Brach's candies, like Jelly Nougats (remember the Pick-a-Mix at Winn Dixie stores where you could fill a bag with your selection of candies and pay by the pound?!)
80s toys (Oh the list I have made of these. Maybe I will post it :) I bet there are some you don't remember!)
Piggly Wiggly (Takes me back to when Pop and I would walk right across the street to the Pig and pick up some groceries. They had one of those egg-laying-chicken toy things that you put a quarter in. These were better times, when you could sit at the front of the store while your parents shopped and no one would snatch you.)
Anyways, I will stop with my memories, since this post is getting long. :)
Now, why am I saying all of this? Well, all my life I have struggled with a bit of "mid-to-long-term memory loss"...I guess that is what you can call it. Maybe not loss, because the memories are there, I just cannot seem to conjure them up easily without a "trigger". It is a mix of that and the feeling of "did that really happen?". It is very hard to explain, but an example is when our marching band went to Dallas, Texas in high school. As soon as we were back, and to this day, it does not really feel real. I mean I know we went, heck I have tons of pictures...but...my brain wants to say "did that really happen?".
(I do not talk about this. Ever.)
I have TONS of "did that really happen?" moments. Sometimes it makes me sad. March 26, 2011 I went to see Prince in concert. (a life-long dream!) Now I look back and I struggle to remember it...or even believe that I really went.
Maybe it's just my mind getting older. Not so sure though because I have struggled with this all my life. It does not really hinder me in anyway...so, I am okay with it. You can bet your tail, though, if I come across something that triggers memories, I will find a way to get it. Most recently my friend Channon and I ordered some retro candy from Amazon!
You may be thinking that I am crazy. Or maybe I sound normal, just someone who likes "retro" stuff. Maybe I am. Maybe I just have a strong pull towards all that is "retro or vintage". Do you have such strong reactions to scents, etc.? I literally feel transported back in time. The nostalgia is overwhelming. Please do not go all "you-need-to-live-in-the-present" on me. I do. I fill my days creating fun memories for my sweet Brandy, and new memories for Scott and I. However, I do absolutely treasure my glimpses into the past.
Looking back at my May post, I am proud to say that I have not been swinging anymore. I am trudging along with my latest Weight Watchers adventure. Even Hotty Scotty finally asked me when I was going to stop torturing my body (and him) with my constant on/off/changing dieting. Coming to the realization that my issues are affecting my family...well, it impacts me far more than many other things.
I am just as obsessive about calculating my points and planning my days out as I was years ago, but I do not think that it's a bad thing, really. I have managed to not obsess about sugar and I have not been hungry all the time like I was a couple of months ago. Why? What changed? Well, when I fill my day with healthy foods that are naturally lower in sugar and higher in fiber, I seem to be more satisfied. Duh!
If I get 42 points a day (yep, I'm that big - and they are adjusted down a few) let's examine a couple of different menu options:
Tea or Coffee w/Splenda & Stevia (0)
Splash of SF caramel creamer (1)
1 pk Quaker Instant Cheese Grits (3)
1 SF Jell-o Rice Pudding Snack (2)
Pizza (3 slices of PH Medium Hand-Tossed Pepperoni) (18)
If you were adding up the points, you can see that I would have already gone over by 7 and this does not include dinner or snacks. Plus no healthy guidelines have been met except for the dairy from the cheese on the pizza and maybe some in the mocha. Look how high the points (therefore, CALORIES) would have been that day if eating like that continued into the evening.
It is all about decisions. Example 1 even had some "fast food". It is possible to enjoy some stuff that you really do like once in a while (I have a weird love for Arby's roastbeef, sorry!)...it's about balancing those things and not making every meal an "out" meal.
I am down 16.2 pounds. If I had just made better choices last year, it could be soooo much more. Maybe not. I just do not know. I have really been working on my head lately. Maybe I needed to go through all of this back-and-forth mess in order to really learn some good, healthy eating habits. I am nowhere near an expert, but I am definitely tryinggoing to learn from my own mistakes.
Some of my happy is returning. I think my BFF would vouch for that. :)
Playing off of my previous MeNtAL post, part of what I have realized about my self is:
I will NEVER have the perfect body.
Now, I could lie and say that I am okay with that, but I am not. However, I am somehow just now realizing that it is the cold, hard, truth. (Yeah, that was totally cliche.) Let's examine my thought process.
I have spent years (most-of-my-life) stretching out my skin. Well, most of the time when you lose weight, that skin does not snap back magically. A woman's body was meant to grow and stretch for a baby, and most times, after working hard to do so, a gal can get her original shape back. This is not the case with me. I have abused my body. Some I could not control, but most of it, yep, my fault.
Back when I lost 100 pounds on Weight Watchers, my skin was droopy. (Upper arms, belly, thighs.) It was not pretty. I kinda looked like I had been a balloon and someone stuck a pin in me (lost 100 pounds). Deflated. Stretch marks. (I call these fat-girl-battle-scars.) Ugh. (I was smaller though.)
From my research, I have found that a lot of folks that lose tons of weight go on to have all sorts of surgeries to remove excess skin. Full stomach/back lifts. Thigh lifts. Arm lifts. It sounds horrifying, looks horrifying (if you google pics/or follow some of the bloggers I do) and I guess it really is. I can only imagine if I was in their shoes. I would be excited to try to "fix" my body back to somewhat normal, even if it meant having major surgery scars. BUT, at the same time, I would hate myself for ever getting to the point that I would need surgery and massive healing time to fix my body. AFTER I had worked so hard to lose the weight, I would still have SO FAR to go.
In fact, I already hate myself for this.
I hate it even more because most days I feel like I will never even get to the point of losing weight and seeing if I even needed surgery.
Is it terrible to fantasize about needing to get tons of excess skin chopped off your body?
Me and my BFF head out for GirlsNightOut. Bonefish, raspberry martinis, looking hott... We get finished with dinner and I'm all like "let's go do something!" We drive downtown and finally settle on a place to go shake it (there is a lot more to that story, but we will leave it at that!) and I am all for it. I mean, so is she, but she is my "trail-blazer". I am not sure she agrees, but she is!
Now, if you know me... especially the past-6-years-or-so-Christina, then I know you just backed up and read the first paragraph again.
Christina wanted to go out? Like out-out?
that. right there.
BFF admitted she was a bit surprised. I guess I was too. But I am here to tell ya, I have been working on myself. Physically? Yeah, yeah, same old insanity there. I mean MeNtALLy.
Am I happy being the big girl? No Do I still deserve to be happy and do fun things? Yes
Am I going to stop battling my weight? No Should I at least enjoy my life along the way? Yes
I have started looking around me. There are ALL shapes and sizes. I am one of them. I am not happy with my shape, but dang...it does not mean I should hole up in the house and hide from the world and all it has to offer.
I love to dance. (albeit not well) I LOVE good, strong bass lines in the music. I love getting dressed up and wearing something that flatters MY body. I love time with my BFF.