I will explain...
I did well with my eating for a good solid week. I will not go in to details, but I was was rocking the food thing. (Sidenote: I tend to be a Monday morning weigher... sometimes it keeps me accountable during the weekends. Sometimes. I usually weigh every Monday, regardless of what diet I am trying...) Well, Monday came around and I was EXCITED to weigh myself. (yes, really)
(Another sidenote: I keep my scale at work, in my bathroom...it has been this way since 2005! I am pretty sure my coworkers no longer think that I am weird. I believe it is just expected now. Chances are, anyone who asks "can I use your bathroom?" and does, has stepped on my scale themselves.)
Anyway, I got on my scale. It said BATT. Shoot. I got re-dressed (yes, I lock the door and strip, jewelry and all) and ran to my co-worker's office for a 9 volt battery. I got back, changed out the battery, accidentally dropped the scale, the foot broke off of it, and there you have it. DISASTER.
- A few profanities. (silent ones, thankyouverymuchmom!)
- What!? I can't weigh today?
- I could go get another scale at lunchtime, but I want the best.
- I need to get online and research.
- But I *need* to weigh *right* now. On *that* scale.
- Rapid heartbeat.
- Even when I get my new scale, it will probably not weigh me the same as the old one.
- That means, my previous weight and my new weight will not give me any sense of progress or accomplishment from my good week of eating.
I was completely derailed.
I started eating. For the entire next week, I ate with no regard. It was a free-for-all. I honestly felt like since I did not have a scale I did not have to watch my food. I felt like I got a "vacation" from "dieting". Since the numbers would not match up, it did not matter if I gained the next week or not. Who would ever know? I could just "start fresh" the next week... when I got my new scale. These are control issues. Emotional eating issues. Lying to myself. Call it a love/hate relationship with the scale, but I really see now that I need it in order to be accountable.
I still feel like I have lost a good, faithful friend. One who was always honest with me. Good or bad. One that I would even take with me during Christmas break so I would not miss a weigh-in day. Maybe in a way I was also grieving?
Thank God my new (highly-rated and unavoidably accurate) scale got here Tuesday. It is happily resting in the bathroom.
Amazingly, I am suddenly motivated to eat better.