Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Tales of the Scales

Thank goodness my new digital scale came in yesterday because I have been a mess this past week without it.

I will explain...

I did well with my eating for a good solid week. I will not go in to details, but I was was rocking the food thing. (Sidenote: I tend to be a Monday morning weigher... sometimes it keeps me accountable during the weekends. Sometimes. I usually weigh every Monday, regardless of what diet I am trying...) Well, Monday came around and I was EXCITED to weigh myself. (yes, really)

(Another sidenote: I keep my scale at work, in my has been this way since 2005! I am pretty sure my coworkers no longer think that I am weird. I believe it is just expected now. Chances are, anyone who asks "can I use your bathroom?" and does, has stepped on my scale themselves.)

Anyway, I got on my scale. It said BATT. Shoot. I got re-dressed (yes, I lock the door and strip, jewelry and all) and ran to my co-worker's office for a 9 volt battery. I got back, changed out the battery, accidentally dropped the scale, the foot broke off of it, and there you have it. DISASTER.

Then, PANIC.
  • A few profanities. (silent ones, thankyouverymuchmom!)
  • What!? I can't weigh today?
  • I could go get another scale at lunchtime, but I want the best.
  • I need to get online and research.
  • But I *need* to weigh *right* now. On *that* scale.
  • Rapid heartbeat.
  • Even when I get my new scale, it will probably not weigh me the same as the old one.
  • That means, my previous weight and my new weight will not give me any sense of progress or accomplishment from my good week of eating.
No scale staring at me from the bathroom, and no way of knowing what that good week did...

I was  completely derailed.

I started eating. For the entire next week, I ate with no regard. It was a free-for-all. I honestly felt like since I did not have a scale I did not have to watch my food. I felt like I got a "vacation" from "dieting". Since the numbers would not match up, it did not matter if I gained the next week or not. Who would ever know? I could just "start fresh" the next week... when I got my new scale. These are control issues. Emotional eating issues. Lying to myself. Call it a love/hate relationship with the scale, but I really see now that I need it in order to be accountable.

I still feel like I have lost a good, faithful friend. One who was always honest with me. Good or bad. One that I would even take with me during Christmas break so I would not miss a weigh-in day. Maybe in a way I was also grieving?

Thank God my new (highly-rated and unavoidably accurate) scale got here Tuesday. It is happily resting in the bathroom.

Amazingly, I am suddenly motivated to eat better.

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