#beautiful

Not.

I like the beat of #beautiful by Mariah Carey/Miguel. It's a good 2.8 mph beat on the treadmill.

However, tonight, I, once again had to remind myself that crying and the treadmill is not a good combination. Add in trying to explain to your hubby and 3+year-old why you are crying. :(

            I just feel so frumpy.

                   And I hate it.

I cannot explain it that well. I just do not feel pretty. It sounds so whiny. So "poor-me". So I hate that too.

I have been getting my hair done. Regularly. Yep, me! I found a girl I really like that does it and does a great job. So I keep going back. It makes me feel good. I have been buying clothes that I like. I wear my fun, funky jewelry and my awesome Toms, etc. On most days, I even text my pic to my BFF. Heck, I am even eating right. Something has to give and unfortunately, I know that it is my MIND that needs the adjustment.

My mind. The hardest dang part of me.

I have decided that I am never going to be thin. I might be healthier, and that is freaking *fantastic!* but... knowing that this frumpy body will be the only body I ever have, that is pretty devastating at times. The fact that I am starting to accept that piece of it, well, double the devastation.


Mind. Body. Mind. Body. Mind. Body.

Neither is a quick or easy fix. I just have to keep at both of them.


#beautifulinsidebutwantittoshowontheoutsidetoo