Courtesy of Zevia...

I got this in an email from Zevia. I wanted to share because this is a poignant reminder of what sugar can do to us. Hope they don't mind that I share...

Poor Eating, Poor Attitude

We went out Friday night to celebrate Hotty Scotty's 38th birthday. That's right folks, we are careening towards 40...

We decided on Bonefish because, well, tuna. We love tuna. If you remember my favorite foods list (located here), tuna is definitely a favorite! So, naturally, this was our first choice for a birthday/night out/date night type of evening. We got there at about eight o'clock, and finally, by nine, we were seated.

Enter ahi tuna sashimi appetizer.

Yum.

Enter bread.

Fresh, warm, artisanal bread.

With olive oil.

And pesto.

Oh crap.

I made a bad decision and set off in a tail spin that did not end until today. FOUR days later. Thank goodness it has not been another five months...but let me tell you how the past four days have gone...

Saturday:
-woke up feeling yucky
-knees hurt
-dreaded facing the day
-ate pizza for lunch (another bad mistake, but I slipped into the well-I-already-messed-up-mentality)
-had to lay down for a nap
-miserable trip to Walmart to get camping stuff
-blood sugar crashes ALL DAY LONG
-continued to feed sugar cravings (cheesecake, crackers etc.)

Sunday:
-slept until 11:30 AM
-chose not to go to church
-knees and back hurt so bad, I moved to recliner
-slept until 2:00 PM while off and on waking up ill as a hornet and being ugly to my family
-completely overwhelmed with laundry/dishes that needed doing
-bad attitude combined with feeling miserable with off and on crying
-refused to help SK outside with pool prep
-started a load of laundry
-laid back down
-felt very depressed
-forced myself to get dressed (I looked awful...I can only imagine what people thought)
-cried some more
-SK took us to Jersey Mikes so I could get a sub-in-a-tub (he knew I was "off kilter")
-went to grocery store
-came home, ate more junk because blood sugar was still wonky
-did as little as possible the rest of the day
-skipped a shower
-went to bed

Monday:
-hit snooze button until last possible minute
-got up and packed lunches
-went to McDonalds for lunch instead of eating the low carb options I packed
-stayed super-sleepy all day
-got home and had zero energy
-fixed a crappy carb-laden dinner
-planted myself in the recliner until time for bed

Today:
-hit snooze button until last possible minute
-got up and packed lunches
-ATE THE LUNCH I PACKED.
-still hungry, tired, and miserable...but...

...it comes with the territory. Now I have to go through the withdrawals again. I have to have a solid two days of feeling icky while my body burns the last of the carb-binge weekend off and gets back to ketosis. Now I have to use every single ounce of my already floundering will power to stay on the straight and narrow. Now I have to tell myself that each and every decision I make about food these next couple of days will eventually earn me back my energy, my good attitude, my stable blood sugars, my joy.

Why all this? Because I know that if I let a derailed weekend turn into a week, it will spiral out of control into many months and pounds. At this point, I just cannot let myself go for too long. The misery from this weekend was ENOUGH. Sunday was bad. So bad. And it did not have to be that way. It was a beautiful weekend full of sunshine and opportunity. For the Kinley household, however, it was a bad weekend.

Lunch kayaking and random thoughts slash update...

I will start with this...lunch today was kind of a hodge-podge of things:
     Cashews
     Chicken Salad
     Mozzarella slices
     Arizona Zero Green Tea

I nibbled, and my stomach was satisfied, yet my mind tells me that eating just a bit of chicken salad and some nuts is not a meal. My mind wants a big meal because that is how I (we?) are programmed to think. When did food become this power, this thing? I have some thoughts on that. More on that later, I suppose.

For now, I will be happy with the foods I ate for lunch. They will fuel my body. My mind will just have to get over it...

Now, for the update...I have fought the good fight off and on for the last year. I did well, sticking to very low carb and almost no sugar for well over 5 months. I dropped 40 pounds and felt ah-mazing. I discovered kayaking, and we went camping, and we did all sorts of things I have only dreamed of doing. Heck, we paddled almost 8 miles down the Deep River and I was not even sore the next day!

I got derailed at the beach in July last year and never really got back on track. I gained 30 pounds back, but after several months of that "swing" I have mentioned many times over on this blog, I got back to it. 10 pounds gone as of this week, so 20 total. I am good with that. The rest will come off in time.

What got me back on track? Maybe that purple kayak sitting in my back yard ready to take the first trip of 2016? Maybe knowing how much easier it is to paddle, hike, etc. with less weight and tons of energy? Yep and yep!

Low carbing is easy, yet hard. You have to (well, I have to) be sooo careful. Hidden carbs or sugar, or even overindulgence on something artificially sweetened can put me off track for days. Last time I indulged in pizza (at the beach), I was derailed for five months. Five months. No one's fault but my own though: I could have just eaten the toppings.

So, here I am, doing my usual thing... trying, failing, picking myself back up, trying again...realizing this may never end. I will say I feel a bit better about things though. My attitude has changed a bit. I am not sure why, maybe it's just the pure joy I have discovered in actually doing some things that I always held myself back from doing just because I am fat.

Last summer some of that I'm-fat-and-can't-do-anything-or-should-not-do-anything-because-I'm-fat (and the I'll-just-wait-until-I'm-thinner) attitude changed. We went to a small lake with some wonderful friends and I got on a kayak for the first time in my life. I had always wanted to try it and felt deep down that I would like it.

#instantjoy.

I did a quick paddle across the lake and I. was. hooked. I told a good friend of mine that day, that I was buying a kayak. Three weeks later, I was the proud owner and captain of "Purple Rain"...the most awesome, colorful kayak ever! (My friend, well, he saw that sparkle in my eye too. Being a fan of paddling himself, he bought a kayak too. In fact, we kind of started a thing. Several friends bought kayaks last summer.)

This is me, on a friend's kayak, on my first EVER paddle.

This is my sweet ride, "Purple Rain"

We  took several adventures over the summer. Mostly local lakes, Randleman, High Point City, etc. but the Deep River trek was my favorite. We worked hard, but the payoff was in seeing beautiful historical camel-back bridges, time with good friends, and the pure rush of joy I had in my soul that day. Here are a few pictures:

I learned a few lessons over the summer:

1) Take a waterproof camera/get a mini drybag or something (River-1 Camera-0)
2) Get some croakers or don't wear sunglasses (River/Lakes-2 Sunglasses-0)
3) Shade-hop on the lakes. Mid-July is hot!
4) Paddle vests are way better than bulky regular vests. Must. Move. Arms.
5) Wear sunscreen AND bug spray on the rivers (Mosquitoes-43,658 Christina-0)
6) Eat right.

Yep, #6 is eat right. The payoff is in energy, overall health, and honestly, for me, joy. That, and I don't suffer from any inconvenient low blood sugar attacks. Win win!

That's the Weight on It update in a nutshell. I will try to do better and blog more. Just keep in mind, that if I continue to be infrequent with my posts, it's probably because I'm living my life and hopefully paddling on to my next adventure.

Peace, love, and kayaking my friends...

Quote...

"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
         ~Julia Child

And the people all said...
Amen!

Making an Exception

Read this post.

Now, I will tell you about how I recently made an exception.

(Scott was not with me and that does not make it his fault, but I definitely see the "strength in numbers" deal again.)

I ate a pastry. It was from Something Different in A-town. It was pretty freaking amazing too.

I told myself it was okay. We were eyeball-deep in work stuffs and I thought I "deserved" it. I guess one good-but-bad thing was, that I was totally aware of what I was doing. It was not mindless or automatic. I felt myself make the choice to eat the pastry. I was aware. So, that part was pretty cool, looking back.

Ugh. Live and learn. Trying to change.

**I had such bad stomach issues that night, along with an eczema flare up that I guess I really did get what I "deserved".**

Change

When you are ready to change, you really change.
No matter what.

My awesome mother-in-love (Gma) means well. She always does. Scott and I picked up the tiniest cake ever known to mankind and took Brandy to see her Gpa on his birthday. Gma proceeded to slice the cake and kept pushing offering it to me and Scott.

     We kept saying no.

Then she said "There are always exceptions."

We stuck to it and refused. (WOW! There is definitely strength in numbers, as I have discovered while having Scott eat the same as me!)

There was no exception. We made no exception.

It was awesome.

Simplified.

Zipline.

Brandy.

Fair Rides.

Kayak.

Belk.

TWC.

Cryptic messages? Nah. Just some main reasons, simplified. Memorable. On post-its everywhere.

Costco.

We are officially hooked and in love. lol

Today's purchases:
Raspberries
Blueberries
Strawberries
Broccoli
Salad mix
Red Peppers
Greek Yogurts
Chicken Sausages
Avocados
String Cheese

Oh yeah. That's my kind of list :)

Granted, I would much rather hit up the farmer's market...I am still very happy with our trip today.

Partner

I really really really wish that I could blog telepathically. Lord knows all the topics, situations and thoughts that go through my head that I want to blog about, unfortunately I am usually either driving or simply living life. (Neither are bad, they just seem to keep me away from writing...even when I really want to or, like lately, need to.)

I guess I should update you on which diet I am on right now. That is kind of a joke, but it very well may be what you are wondering...

I am on no sugar and very little carbs.

Surprise.

This time, however, I have a partner in crime. My best partner. My favorite partner. My Hotty Scotty is in this with me. Are you shocked yet? Well, long story short, he has been diagnosed with an over-growth of yeast in his stomach (that also affects his face... some of you might have noticed the red splotches at times over the years). Lots of research and doctors have said that sugar is the enemy. It feeds the yeast, and makes it worse. So, my Hotty Scotty decided he would cut out sugar. That simple. For him. He dropped sugar and most carbs like it was nothing. For about two weeks I hated him for it. Not hated...more like resented him. If you have read any of my previous ramblings, then you know that cutting out sugar/carbs is extremely hard on me at first. Headaches, anger, cravings, foggy mind, weak, shakes, wanting-to-punch-people-in-the-face, etc. It is pure withdrawal, like an addict.

But I did it anyway. I hopped on his bandwagon.

          (after i apologized in advance for my sure-to-come symptoms)

I also had a long talk to him about how he has to stick with this long term because, quite frankly, I have dreamed about the day that my husband would be eating the same way as me. The day that we would no longer have a house full of CRAP that I did not need, but somehow wanted. The day that fish or chicken served with a salad or veggies and a few berries would be OK. The day that I would sit on the couch next to him and we would share some almonds. The day that I would not have to watch him plow through a box of oatmeal cream pies and not seem to gain an ounce.

Just to reiterate, I am still in awe that he could drop the junk that easily. That shows what a huge difference there is in our bodies. Just watch. HE will probably be the one to drop pounds. Ugh. As long as I am healthy, I guess. I am still tracking my calories, etc. in MyFitnessPal.com I still LOVE it. Love it. You could very easily overeat/overindulge on nuts, cheese, etc. so that keeps me in check.

candy

Candy is not a food.

At least, I do not think it is a food. Well, let me back up and say that I used to think of it as a food.

but it is not.

Candy is a treat.

You do not have to have candy.

In fact, some people do not eat candy.

I like candy.

I overeat candy.

Until now.

I am still tracking my calories at MyFittnessPal.com and it is fantabulous!

Somehow, seeing the empty nutritional value of candy laid out before my very eyes has started to change the way I look at it.

Take Wonka's Bottle Caps Soda Pop candy for instance. A "serving" is 13 little tiny pieces. In just those 13 pieces, there are 60 calories. Calories and sugar. No protein, no nothing. Just calories and sugar. Consider that, and the fact that very few of us actually only eat 13 pieces in a sitting. It. adds. up.

It eats (pun, ha!) away at your caloric recommendation for the day. It adds nothing to your diet.

Yet, we still want it.

Can we have a little? YES, we can.

...but back to what I said earlier, it is a T-R-E-A-T.

Not a meal, not even a snack. Just a small treat.

Today I wanted a few of said Bottle Caps. I opened the box, took out 3 little pieces, and put the box away. I savored the 3 pieces, individually. I ate them slowly, enjoying their sweet, bubbly taste.

I entered my 3 Bottle Caps into myfitnesspal. 14 calories. I can totally handle 14 calories. It is the 180 or 240, or even 300 calories worth that could have sabotaged my entire day. I am happy.

I had a treat, not a binge.

14 calories for the Win!

Current Eats

Zucchini noodles with my sundried tomato Alfredo sauce.

Raspberry martini from Bonefish Grill.

Fresh cherries.

A happy little orange.

Herb salad, blue cheese, raspberry vinaigrette, and thin crust pizza.

Just 'a Swingin...

Well I have successfully managed to swing back and forth between No Sugar/Low Carb and Weight Watchers...oh, about six or seven times now in the past year. I do not know what to say. The latest one has been Weight Watchers.

I have lost 11 pounds since Christmas maybe. I am not sure how accurate that is but in simpler terms, I am as fat and as miserable as ever. I need to get back to a happy place.

I am hungry all the time. Real hunger? I do not know, but that is what I will call it for now since it feels like hunger and I end up eating (read: stuffing myself) in order to make the feeling go away.

My joints hurt. My feet are really giving me a hard time right now. I crave candy. Smarties and Caramel Creams. I am like Homer Simpson. Mmmmmmmmmmm Smarties.

Sure I can talk it allllll day long...but my walk is just not happening.

I am trying to do "something" and meanwhile do my research.

Latest findings: someone on the lowcarbfriends.com discussion boards mentioned that she cannot seem to "stick with" anything. She's found that every time she tries to get "fancy" and start experimenting with those processed "low-carb" foods, she fails every time. However, as long as she sticks with lean meats, fish and veggies she does just fine. Enter lowcarb pancakes and she's a goner.

Lowcarb or not, those processed foods still trick your body... making it think that it is the real thing. Your body says "Hey... something sweet"... "I'd better produce some insulin!"...Start the cycle.

There's some unprocessed food for thought.

It was like I was reading my very own story.

Right this very moment, I have a pantry full of lowcarb pancake, bread and muffin mixes. I have lowcarb/SF syrups and lowcarb pudding mixes. Thinking back to my many attempts at cutting the sugar and carbs...every time I decide "hey, these muffins are okay because they are LC/SF"... that is usually what begins my slippery slide.

On my mind

I have struggled to try to put together a good post...but I seem unable to organize the thoughts in my head. I have decided to just tell you what I have on my mind. So, if you cannot follow this post well, believe me when I say, "it's not you, it's me".

O.M.G. I have worked up to a 2 1/2 minute jog during my treadmill workouts. If that sounds like nothing to you, do this: Grab something with a second hand on it. Sit back and count up to 150. It is that long. For a fat girl on a treadmill who is usually winded after a trek through the Wal-Mart parking lot, it's a long time.

I am not losing weight right now. I am not gaining weight either.

I am not eating as good as I should. I am eating sugar. No, not tons, but still. I have however, still kept to my stay-away-from-the-wheat guns. I am probably about 90% wheat-free. Scott and I cannot remember the last time we purchased a loaf of bread and that makes me happy.

I am still reading Wheat Belly. (William Davis) Holy cow. It is taking me a while to get through it because I am soaking it all in. I am highlighting. I am making notes. I am really studying the text. I cannot wait to share.

Warning...the next one is TMI...

I am having another period. Crazy, right? I must be doing something right (no wheat?!) to be having ANOTHER regular cycle. That's two months in a row, folks. Sooooo not me.

Because of the previous item of interest, I am in a miserable, achy, bloated, crampy state. It did not keep me off the treadmill tonight though.

Hmmm, that might kinda explain the depression I have been feeling for about 3 or 4 days now.

I am beginning to realize that if I am not eating exactly right, then all this hard work and sweat on the treadmill is not really doing anything for me. That makes me sad. So I might as well do both, eat well and exercise because, let's face it... I HAVE to exercise. I bought a freaking gym-quality treadmill. It is sitting in my LIVINGROOM. Taking up my precious space. (If you know me, you know I am uber-funny about that...)

It is funny how having that thing in my house makes me think twice about eating sometimes. I will say, it is definitely helping with my issues of late-night-eating. If I am on the couch, watching television...the treadmill is right there. Looking at me. I cannot just grab something from the kitchen and sit and nosh.

Another random thought is how motivating it is knowing I have a little girl who I want to spend LOTS of time with. I want to see her grow up and I want to set good examples for her. Some new studies show that PCOS is genetic and I pray that she does not end up with it. Regardless, though, she needs a good solid understanding of how to eat and move so that she can handle anything that comes her way. Guess that is a post for another day. I am not ready to tackle that one yet.

Sometimes I still think gastric bypass (weight loss surgery) is a magical answer. A quick fix. Then I am reminded of my two reasons why it is not right for me. One...the risk of not being here for B, and two, which I have just recently concluded...it may be a physical fix but unless the psychological issues are fixed, I would just eat my way right back up to 300 pounds. Another deep subject, but again...just my thoughts.

I have managed to stop thinking of my "diet" as low-carb. It seems that low-carb always leads me to eating red meat, cheese, pork rinds and sourcream. Maybe it is a mentality thing, I am not sure. Either way, regardless of "what I am doing"... I am not calling it low-carb.

I have been really pissed off at myself lately for KNOWING what to do and knowing what works, but being unable to actually DO IT one-hundred-percent. Very frustrating. Like I have said before, I can preach it, but cannot seem to practice it as well...which equals the "fat-girl-giving-weight-loss-and-nutrition-advice situation" that I hate. It is quite embarrassing at times. I believe the correct term here would be (gulp) hypocrisy. (ouch)

Okay, well this post has been all over the place, but I feel better for writing it. I think I can sleep with a clearer mind now.

Encouragement

I mentioned in my last post (which I wrote a day or so before this one, but forgot to post until today) I mentioned I needed encouragement.

Well, I need encouragement.

Talk to me about stuff. Weight, jogging, awareness, anti-foods vs. living foods, sugar, insulin resistance, emotional eating, etc.

Sometimes, it feels very lonely trying to "go down this path". You eat out less. You do not join everyone else in eating cake at an office party. You sometimes have to choose time on the treadmill over your comfy couch or craft time. Sometimes you make the wrong choices. I do it all. the. time. I guess it is the right choices that I am trying hard to dwell on though.

I have not weighed in 3 weeks now. I know that this week's backslide (that has almost turned into 2 weeks) has caused me to gain. It's done everything else...fatigue, joint pain starting back up, hazy, foggy mind, irritable, depression. All that, and I have not even reverted completely. Only about 1/2 way bad (is that even possible? isn't bad just well, bad?). Eating wheat, a little sugar here and there, some rice, had an ice cream cone one day...etc. No candy binges or craziness...but still...it's been enough for me to lose control and not be able to cut that stuff back out. And believe me, I have contemplated some candy binges. I have literally pulled in to the parking lot of a store, on three different occasions, planning to go in and buy a whole bag of reeces cups, or snickers...and then gorge myself on them. Fortunately I have stopped myself each time. The NEED for those binges has been very powerful.

Those internal battles make me feel crazy in the head sometimes. What kind of person has to actually argue with themselves to convince them not to eat something insane.

Maybe I am actually making progress...being that I am more aware of those feelings and urges to binge...and fighting with myself to control them. However...those urges rarely happen if I stay strictly away from sugar and wheat. So why can I not just stay away from those triggers completely. You know what the trigger was that started this whole week-and-a-half hiatus? Breaded and fried shrimp. Yep. Could have had grilled shrimp and avoided this whole mess.

Sighhhh. It's an ongoing battle. Constant.

I need encouragement.

Update

A couple of readers have asked for an update. I am simply flattered!

I am still doing great!

I am eating like I should...(details below)

I am now exercising some on my new HUGE treadmill.

I still feeling amazing.

I am losing weight... though it is at a s....l......o..............w pace. I mean killer-slow. I am actually kinda okay with that right now since I just feel so dang good!

Have I eaten a few things I should not have? Yes, but I am proud to say "only" twice. Once was a single slice of pizza (that almost killed me...) and the other was a handful of reece's pieces (again, made me utterly miserable and did not even taste good to me). Did I let that knock me off the wagon? Nope. My wagon is happily going full speed in the right direction. Besides, did I mention that those anti-foods made me miserable?

Typically during the day I eat something like this:

Breakfast:

2 slices bacon (Don't bother preachin' or hatin'...I know all about processed meats and the "bads" that go along with them. I also know what a bagel, a bowl of cereal or instant oatmeal does to my body. I choose bacon.) On the weekends, I typically have my bacon with a Mission brand carb control wrap (the tiny ones) the small amount of wheat in these does not seem to bother me when I have just one. Add mustard!

       or

String Cheese and scant handful of raw almonds

Lunch:

Homemade salad (organic baby greens, bit of cheese, some real salad dressing)

Some sort of protein, usually left over chicken

Chobani Greek yogurt

Dinner:

Fish, chicken or shrimp (red meat maybe once a week)

Green Veggies

Sweet potato (once a week)

Snacks: (usually 2 or 3of these spread throughout the day)

String cheese

Raw almonds

Celery with organic almond butter

Avocado

Chobani Greek yogurt

Apple, orange, pear or berries (low glycemic fruit - only once a day)

I do have coffee a few times throughout the week...usually made at home in the Keurig, with Stevia, Organic Milk and International Delight's Caramel Macchiatto creamer added in.

That's about it for me. This keeps me satisfied and not *constantly* thinking about food, and as far as I am concerned, that is good enough for me right now.

Poker Face

Can't read my, can't read my,
No he can't read my poker face.

Heard this Lady Gaga song on the way to work yesterday morning and could not help but to smile.

It just reminded me that (other than this blaaah-g) I kinda have a poker face thing going on. If you see me right now, say, eating lunch or at the grocery store...you would not know I am making drastic changes in my diet. I guess you could look on my plate, or in my shopping cart, but not on my face. I am just doing it. Unlike the past, I am not frowning and sighing over what I cannot eat or how *hard* this is to do. I am just as happy to shop over the beautiful produce selections as I was to careen myself down the bread aisle looking for a fix. I am content eating my veggies and lean proteins for lunch. I am okay with packing a small cooler everyday to take to work.

I am okay. I do suffer and almost lust after less-than-ideal foods, like a true addict, at times. I am almost high from energy and positive feelings at other times. The point is, I am okay and I hope that my face shows that.

I promise this, promise this,
Check this hand cause I'm marvelous.

Checking In!

Here's an easy reading post...

I still feel great!

I am NOT struggling to eat right!

I have found a few new products that are fab!

TMI: remember what always happens to me when I eat right... the thing that PCOS makes me NOT do... well, yep...it's happening! Most women complain... I CELEBRATE!

Energy!!

No joint pain!

More positive mood and outlook!

I pray that this continute and that I do not LET myself go back to old ways. Self: keep this up. You do NOT want to give up this awesomeness.

Love to all of you!

CK's Seared Tuna

I have had several requests to share my simple method of cooking a beautiful tuna. This is very picture-heavy, but I wanted to take enough so you know what things should look like.  :) I even used nice dishes this time, sometimes it's paper plates around my house!

Ingredients:

Fresh Sashimi Grade Tuna
Black Sesame Seeds
Regular Sesame Seeds
Salt & Pepper
Sesame Oil & Olive Oil

Other: (for dipping)

Wasabi, prepared
Mayo
Soy Sauce

Directions:
Right before you sear your tuna, go ahead and complete these steps, as the cooking time is really no more than about 30 seconds on each side.

Mix a bit of wasabi with some mayo...

...and dice a ripe avocado for garnish.

Go ahead and have out your plates, chopsticks, soy sauce, etc. too.

OK, now on to the good stuff...

Drizzle some sesame oil and some olive oil in your pan and let it start heating up on Medium-High while you prepare your tuna. (stainless steel or a wok, I have used both)

Take a handful each of black sesame seeds and regular sesame seeds and mix them together in a dish. Add in a few grinds of fresh sea salt and cracked black pepper. Take your tuna and coat all sides in the seeds. No egg whites, no water, no nothing. Amazingly enough, the sesame seeds just stick to the fish without you having to use anything else. Really get it on there good, and on all sides as this forms a tasty "crust".

Careful place your tuna into the hot pan/wok. The seeds will jump out and they burn. Consider yourself warned.

Sear the tuna.

That's it.

I sear mine on all sides for no more than 30 seconds. We like our tuna very rare/raw on the inside. (see my pictures)

Sear yours until desired doneness is achieved.

(Please, please do not overcook and ruin it!)

Slice seared tuna and plate up. See how the tuna is seared all the way

around? I take my tongs and hold pieces up in the pan so that the edges

have a chance to sear too. A little extra work, but it ensures a nice crust.

Add avocado garnish and soy sauce on the sides.

Do not forget your wasabi mayo.

Now, enjoy!

I hope you find the time to make this absolutely tasty dish very soon.

17 foods

Avocado.
Greek Yogurt.
Spring Mix.
Zucchini.
Vidalia Onions.
Sauerkraut.
Raw/Rare Sashimi Tuna.
Red Bell Pepper.
Pomegranate.
Jalapenos.
Watermelon.
Raspberries.
Blue Cheese.
Meyer Lemons.
Olives.
German Johnson's.
Basil.

What is that? It's a list of my top 17 favorite foods. Non-negotiables. Foods I want. Foods I love.

Why not a top 20? Well... I thought long and hard about this list. I am sure there are others, but these were the ones that really jumped out at me. (In fact, I kept sitting up in bed the night before last and jotting them down. I woke up the next morning, and bam! there was my list.)

Look at that list. It's a pretty good list. Hotty Scotty tends to say I like "weird foods". (Realize though, that he is a meat-and-potatoes-and-little-debbies-and-whole-box-of-chocolate-covered-cherries-at-a-time-and-all-sorts-of-other-crap kind of guy. He manages to eat things and amounts of stuff that would make you want to slap him and *still* stays right at his ideal weight. His job is extremely physically demanding though, and I swear that has to be what offsets his caloric/junk intake.)

Anyway...my point with this post is this:

Look at what I love. There are no cupcakes, or pastas, or donuts, or sodas listed. In fact as I was making this list, those things did not even cross my mind. (Yes, I do like an occasional pasta dish... but look at this and this.)

The question I have had to force myself to face is, "if that list contains the foods that I absolutely love, then why the *HELL* (sorry, mom) have I spent a good say, twenty of my 31 years eating crap??!".

I do not like donuts. At. All. (Yes, really-really.) Have I eaten them plenty of times? Yes. In fact, I have, at times, eaten not one, but like three or four. (or five.) Now the next question I have to face is why? Why eat said donuts or other stuff when it is not even something I really like.

Remember my posts about insulin resistance, addictions, and other struggles? (In fact, just go back to the oldest posts and start at the beginning. You will see my struggles ~ then you will call me a nut-job fo' sho'.) Well, once I get a small taste of something (like said donuts or maybe a cupcake at a birthday party) it's on. I mean it's on like Donkey Kong. The sugar and other processed stuff sets off a reaction in my body that would easily rival a drug addict. Once I get in to the "cycle" you've seen me write about, I go into a downward spiral. I. Must. Have. Donuts. I eat them, a lot of them, then I feel bad about it, but they were soooooo "good", they gave me my fix. Blood sugar and insulin SPIKE. Crash. Need. More. Donuts.

Yep.

Now, if you have read this bah-log from the beginning, you have seen my seemingly-bipolar-indecisive-multiple-personalities battle over Weight Watchers vs. Low Carb/No Sugar. I am learning more and more everyday that tailoring a plan to your own body and medical issues is vital. I need the portion control that WW offers, but more than that I also need the restricted sugar/starches/wheat to keep my hormones and body chemistry happy.

A Dance in Your Car Type of Day

Wow. I feel so good today.

(Seriously, that is the understatement of the year right there!)

Today was one of those days where it seemed like the radio stations played nothing but GREAT songs. Add that to my good, no, awesome feeling and it became what I like to call "an-oh-my-gosh-that-is-sooo-my-theme-song" type of day! The fun part was, every song that came on had me saying "No! THIS is sooo my song!" Nicki Minaj and Drake were definitely the front-runners :)

Yeah, today rocked! I found myself in the car a lot today, so I did a lot of dancing :) (Okay, and yes, I did a lot of the checking-myself-out-in-the-mirror-while-rocking-my-stunner-shades and ducky-kissy-face-pictures of myself too.)

• I had a long to-do list that I wanted to accomplish since it was my last day of vacay.

To-do List = Nailed it!

• My jeans were a tad looser in the belly today.

Freaking awesome!

• I have finally eliminated a lot of processed crap and other inflammatory items from my diet.

Energy = Check!

Positive Mood = Check!

Puffed uppedness/Bloating = Diminishing! (yeah, I said uppedness.)

Eczema = Improving!

I am still counting my "points", while also avoiding starches like the plague. Anything white or containing wheat (I think I have an allergy) just has no place in my body. Perhaps I am actually (after a looooong period of time that we will not even discuss) finding a good balance between portion control and lowering the sugar/starch that I consume.

I will do a longer post on this topic, but I wanted to say that my best piece of advice right now (since I can preach it, but cannot always seem to practice it, ugh) is to stop beating yourself up and second guessing things. Just do something. Pick something that WORKS FOR YOU and do it. You dont even have to talk about it. Actions speak soooo much louder than words. It has taken me a long time to figure that out.

(Though, I do like to talk about it...)
(Anyone want to do the Dougie with me? LOL)